My mother and grandmother told me that I could be anything I wanted to be. I heard this my entire life.
I vividly remember the first time I ever realized that path wasn’t always easy. The church we went to at the time didn’t allow women to be ministers, and I remember telling my mom I could be anything but a minister because it wasn’t allowed.
We changed churches.
My parents wanted me to believe that I could do anything I wanted and tried their best to make sure I saw women leaders in all sorts of rooms — teachers, principals, ministers, vice presidents, etc.
As parents, they also talked to me about hard things. I remember when my mom stepped down from a big bank leadership job. It was too much travel away from family and work in the evenings. My parents felt the tradeoffs weren’t there, and my mom took a step back. In explaining this to me they made it clear I was a priority, and the work situation wouldn’t allow for both. They were choosing me (and did so happily).
What Watching Women Lead Taught Me
Throughout my life, I’ve been blessed with great leaders (both men and women) who have shown me how to lead and taught me valuable lessons that help me daily. Here are a few of those lessons that some important women in my life have shared with me.
Priorities Change
My mom’s priorities changed when I was born. She had been career-driven and still wanted a career, but climbing the corporate ladder didn’t matter as much to her. Instead, she wanted to go to the school play. As I got a little older, she wanted to go back to work. She found a position that let her balance both family commitments and having a career.
I use this knowledge with my team today. I want to understand where people are at any moment in their careers. I want to normalize that it’s okay for things to change, and that doesn’t make anyone less of a person.
Perceptions Matter
My grandmother had the best fashion. She once told me that the right lipstick and pearls can elevate any outfit. She also told me to look the part but look myself. At the time, I didn’t fully understand this. Looking back, she was helping me navigate looking professional to be taken seriously but encouraging me to not lose myself in the process.
It’s taken me some time to put this into practice, but I’ve found my sense of style, while still leaning into bright colors and florals that give me the right energy.
Everyone Has Value
In my first year as a CMO, I reached out to Terry Flannery at CASE to have coffee and learn from her. She was gracious and willing to meet with me. I had prepared questions and was eager to visit with her on some topics I was struggling with in our industry. During the conversation, she asked my opinion several times and listened attentively. She was the expert in this conversation, but it wasn’t lost on me that she saw the value in me and graciously showed me that.
To this day, I remember how special that made me feel and try to do the same when team members and mentees come forward needing advice. I learn just as much from them.
Reinvention is Allowed
One of the more unexpected leadership lessons for me has come from Taylor Swift. I’m fascinated by how she reinvents her musical style again and again, while still keeping the essence of who she is. As a female leader, I think there is pressure to be consistent. That’s important, but it’s also okay to change. I don’t want to be so focused on being consistent that I become closed off to new ideas and approaches. It may not be as public as the move from pop to rock to indie-folk, but I am always growing, and the world can benefit from seeing the change.
I use this mentality to communicate the value I see in a growth mindset. I want to signal that I’m always learning and what I prioritize today may be different in a few years because of my lived experiences.
Honor the Struggle
Early in my career, I wanted the answers to challenges. I saw leadership as a playbook of scenarios, and there was a right answer to every situation. I didn’t fully appreciate the impact of context. I had a mentor (Dr. Mary Gunter) who consistently told me to honor the struggle. At first, I thought she was saying to just wait a little bit before making the decision. However, she was saying that there’s power in wrestling with hard decisions before rushing to solve them. Sometimes the growth comes from sitting in the tension long enough to fully understand all the context.
Every time I wrestle with big decisions, I remind myself to sit with the discomfort to make sure I’m really thinking through the context. I still don’t like it, and I don’t think I ever will, but there is a lot of value in the approach.
Looking Back
As I get older, I realize the women leaders in my life aren’t perfect. However, they were authentic and confident in who they were and how they lead. They all taught me lessons about leading with grace and authenticity. My hope is I can do the same for the next generation.
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