And Carrie On

I turn 40 this week, August 15 to be exact. For my 40th birthday, I’m going to see Taylor Swift in London on my actual birthday. I’m writing this in the lounge waiting to board the international leg of the flight.

I saw this article in Elle leading up to Taylor’s 30th birthday several months ago. Since I’m going to see her for my 40th, it seemed like the perfect concept for a 40th birthday post. While not original, I hope it’s fun and gives you some insight into me.

Lessons I’ve Learned in 40 Years.

1. You’re your own best advocate – No one will advocate for you better than you can. Don’t be afraid to use your voice for things that are important to you.
2. Praise in public; Critique in private – Be sure that when you’re leading, you praise in public spaces, reserving feedback privately. No one wants to be put down in front of others.
3. The right accessories make any outfit a star – The perfect necklace, earrings, or jewelry can make any outfit a standout, so don’t rule out an outfit until you’ve accessorized it first.
4. Family matters – After losing my dad in the last decade, we now are doing a better job of prioritizing time as a family. I love these moments so much, and I am so grateful for them.
5. Admit when you’re wrong – That person who is always right or the smartest person in the room can be annoying. Learn to say when you’re wrong or you messed up. That grace will go a long way in building friends and allies.
6. Stick to veggies you like – I thoroughly believe that if by 40 you don’t like broccoli, you never will. Accept it and focus your energy on getting those nutrients in another way.
7. Worrying only steals your joy – When you worry about something, the only person you’re robbing is you. I’m still working on this one but am getting better.
8. Food and swimming don’t seem dangerous – As a child I was never allowed in the pool after eating. Now, I regularly hop in and float after a meal or beverage. I’m here to tell about it. End of report.
9. Money is a great gift – As my Grandmother Cutie used to say, It’s always the right size and always the right color.
10. Look for the silver linings – Life is hard. When hard situations happen, try to find the good in them. It changes your mindset and helps you see good in other things.
11. Don’t hold on to anger – Usually after someone is rude or hateful to you, they’ve moved on. When you let it ruin your day, that’s a decision you made. If you can get better at letting it go, you’ll be better for it.
12. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know – As a leader, don’t ask people how they’re doing unless you’re fully prepared to hear their answer and support them.
13. Never let a good crisis go to waste – Sometimes it takes a crisis to get momentum. Be ready to jump if it can help you move the needle on addressing a bigger issue.
14. Always be learning – As leaders, we can always be learning. Whether it’s a new tool, a new strategy, or something else, never get tired of learning.
15. Find a way to care for yourself – I have recently discovered anti-aging serum. I’m also a fan of champagne and a manicure. Whatever it looks like, find a way to do something for you.
16. Chaos creates opportunity – When things are in disarray, there is opportunity to fix. Don’t be afraid of change because it can give you the chance to do better.
17. Look to the future but don’t wish away the present – It’s good to set goals and make plans but don’t be so future-focused you miss the now.
18. Consider how you would feel – When faced with tough decisions that would impact others, always reflect how you would feel if you were in the situation. That will help guide your actions.
19. Spray tans are your friend – I’m terrified of the real sun but love my weekly spray tan appointment. I can have color without the risk.
20. Buy a good pillow – As I get older, I find that I’ve become the person who takes my pillow with me, and I get cranky when I can’t.
21. Don’t feel guilty for the splurge – If you can afford it, and it makes you happy, get the thing and enjoy it.
22. Check in on people – Life is hard, and we all are carrying things people can’t see. There is value in checking in on others.
23. Say thank you – Be sure to thank others, especially your team. It’s important to honor them and let them know you see their hard work.
24. Over communicate in transition – When there is transition or change, it is important to over communicate. That’s when people are the most nervous, so be sure to share what you can.
25. Wear what makes you feel confident – Even if the style has changed, wear what makes you feel awesome. I will still be rocking skinny jeans.
26. Try not to let people be surprised – If something may impact your boss or your team, loop them into the conversation. No one likes being surprised.
27. Keep things in confidence – If something is shared with you in confidence, it’s important to not break the trust and share it. Sometimes that is really, really hard.
28. Crucial conversations – Find a way to get good at these because not giving feedback only hurts the people who didn’t receive it. We owe it to others to give them feedback to help them improve.
29. Be authentic and honest – When asked of your opinion, be truthful. You can disagree while being kind. Often, leaders appreciate someone who’s brave enough to say what they are thinking (if it’s done respectfully).
30. There’s always room for dessert – As my Grandmother Arlene used to say, you should always save room for dessert.
31. Don’t let the noise get to you – Often when others are putting you down, it’s because they lack their own self confidence, are jealous, or something else. Don’t let their insecurities rob your joy.
32. Celebrate others – There is something special about lifting others up when they do something great. Make it a priority to celebrate the great things others do.
33. Learn to write a good thank you note – I learned how to do this in middle school (thanks to Cotillion), and it’s a skill I think more people need.
34. Be kind to yourself – As someone who tends to be an overachiever and perfectionist, I can also be hard on myself. Learn to give yourself a little grace.
35. Ask for feedback – We can always be better, so ask your team and others to give you feedback on how you can do better. Often, they’ll give you insights to improve.
36. Be kind but don’t be taken advantage of – It’s important to be helpful, but when it crosses the line to being taken advantage of, it’s critical to have a plan to get out of the situation.
37. Over prepare in tough situations – When I’m in tough situations, I find over preparing helps me to feel comfortable and confident, regardless of where the conversation goes.
38. Quality over quantity – I find I tend to believe this works better in relation to food, wine, clothing, shoes, and purses.
39. Mentally take a break – Our work is hard and we sometimes must always be on. Find a way to take a break whether it’s through reading, travel, or something else.
40. Have fun – My 30s were great, and I am looking forward to another decade having fun, making a difference, and creating memories.